[sticky entry] Sticky: Directory Page

Jan. 4th, 2012 06:54 pm
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
List of my other DW journals and games I'm in.

Creative Journals
[personal profile] carpentersbride: Horror fanfic and writing (Locked journal--you will have to ask to be added)
[personal profile] followsthewind: repository for any work I do on Sovereign in re: world building. (Locked, ask to be added)
[personal profile] icewind_orphan: originally a journal used for a one-on-one WoW 'game'. Not being used at the moment. Might use it as a gaming blog. Not locked


Gaming Journals
[personal profile] rather_be_surfing: Derek, from Vampires: Los Muertos. Currently active at [community profile] luceti
[personal profile] the_mighty_foot: OC based on the real Foot. Currently active at [community profile] luceti
[personal profile] soulboundhunter: OC that I've had for...forever. Tweaked around as an archtype for hunter/beastmaster type found in a lot of MMOs, as well as a base for one of the characters in Sovereign. Currently inactive.
[community profile] ratherbesurfing: Musebox that anyone can join.

Other things for me So that I can find them easy )
silverthorne: A Kitten sleeping in a fruit bowl (Kitten Inna Bowl)
Do I know you? Do I want to? Did you follow me from LJ?

Post here to let me know who you are when you make a friending request. I will get back to you shortly. :)
silverthorne: (Powered By Caffiene and Bon Jovi)
With as often as I don't post, there are times I think I should just delete my journals and move on. And yet, there's still a part of me that hangs on. Blogging is familiar, comforting. Kept me sane when my life wasn't sane at all. Was an outlet for those times when I had any measure of creativity at all. Was a place for me to share when I felt I needed to share; about life, the cats, my experiences.

I haven't been on in a while, not necessarily because I no longer wish to be here, but because a lot of things were moving around, both inside myself and in the world I live in. Some of it is still moving; still shifting.

Right now, other than a light headache that will go away as soon as I have the wit to go and take an allergy pill, I have no complaints. I'm still finding my compass, but my life is going well enough.

Ironically, my new job (I switched jobs in June, for those who missed that) is actually the ex's old one, and is also the job that got me into the door of the hospital in the first place fifteen years ago. Other than being able to share a view of the woman that others never saw, my boss and I get along very well. She's glad to have me; I'm glad to be in a position where I no longer dread going to work, or being lamblasted(SP) for doing my job...or having to fight just to get a few days off.

In truth, the woman has worked very hard to ensure I won't lose any of my hard earned PTO this year, to the point that I am actually off more days this month than I am in the office. It's pretty disconcerting. Some part of me feels it might be a reward of sorts for having put up with so much wrong in my life before. That could be my ego talking, but you know what? I'm going to indulge that. I've crawled in the dust of shame and hurt long enough, thanks.

I seriously doubt I mentioned this here (or I did and forgot; like I said, haven't been here in a while, and haven't really been paying attention), but I had to send Lucy on over the rainbow bridge a few months ago. The abuses to her health had finally caught up with her, and even though she still ate, drank, and loved anyone who got in range of her with a strength you can only attribute to the tensile strength of Velcro, she was also waking herself up crying, not sure of where she was until I'd call to her, she was weak and shaky when she walked (which the arthritis in her hips did nothing to help), and she could no longer tell where the end of the litter box and the beginning of the floor was. When I took her in after a long night of keeping her locked in the bathroom due to...well...messy bowel movements, I was pretty much told all the good I had managed to do was undone again; her blood levels were worse than when I had brought her in, fresh from animal control, and the only way to keep her steady was with daily subcu drips, and extensive dialysis treatments. Some may not agree with my decision then, but I decided that she didn't need that kind of torture; she'd been through enough it was time to let her go home, while she was still somewhat happy.

She went to sleep in my arms, content, purring, and at peace. Hopefully with very little comparative pain. Her ashes, along with Shiea's and Shiimi's, will make that last trip to dad's back yard when I go to see him early next year. Until then, her cat shaped urn, which has managed to have a face shaped like hers, stands guard on the end table next to the front door. I still rub its ears, in case she can feel it.

There's been a lot of bad news in the world lately; I won't say much about it here, because other people have said much more, and with better grace. I've done my mourning, and I will keep my comments to hoping that tomorrow will not find too many people succumbing to the whole 12/21 thing. We've had our fill of madness for the year; let the powers that be deem it more than enough and let the day, and the rest of the year, pass as peacefully as human nature can allow.

Stay safe; please have a peaceful and beautiful holiday.

New Jersey

Nov. 1st, 2012 09:40 pm
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
I lived my first 12 years there. Been to all the places that have been taken apart by Sandy--have more memories than you can shake a stick at, too.

Been watching the news. Haven't been really back there since '82, but even so, I still recognized what was left, especially around Seaside Heights where I spent a lot of my summer time, on the boardwalk, on the beach, in the bay foot-shuffling for flounder (and getting terrified by the mere thought of horseshoe crabs...).

It hurts to see; but I know my former state-mates are a strong bunch. They'll make it through. New Jersey people are tough, opinionated, stubborn, resourceful and know when to stick together.

I'll be doing what I can to help out my place of birth. I'm hoping others will as well.

Take care, guys, be strong. I'm thinking of you.
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
Tomorrow, I go in for a CT scan after work. Seems the 'benign' cyst on my ovary wasn't really helped by the pills, and is also 'complex'. So the doc wants to take a closer look and see if things need to be scooped out.

I'm...actually not worried, but the word 'resigned' is coming to mind. My family has a firm history of losing their reproductive ovens, so, other than the back of the mind hope that if it IS cancerous, it'll be content with taking the one organ I never got to use but the once, and doesn't decide to come back and visit later in some other part of the body.

Things may or may not be changing for me at work. The boss pushed one too many times in the very wrong way, so I have a potential transfer to a different department and job in the works. IF the pay cut is not too draconian, it's an almost definite. But I'm fully aware that what my potential new bosses are willing to pay me may not jive with what HR is willing to offer, so...we'll see.

I invested in some Paint Your Own statues by Melody Pena. Right now, they're happily nestled in their shipping boxes, for the very simple reason that the only paints I have are gouche...and I'm pretty sure that won't work too well on gypsum. I REALLY want to take brush to them, though. But...will have to wait for a little bit until I can get my hands on at least a standard set of acrylics. Then we will see.

Dad is...well, let's just say I have to do a lot of 'catch up' in between our play dates in order to keep my characters at levels close to his in RIFT. He's even gotten to the point where he researches stuff. I never thought he'd take to an MMO, especially not like this this.

Then again, I had to get it from somewhere, right?

Anyway, current life, in a nutshell.
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
Just from eating right and paying attention to fat/carb intake. I've even gone over my intake allowances for both those stats. And it hasn't even been a week.

My biggest problem area though is getting enough protein into the diet--I am consistently either on the (very) low end of what I need...or not getting enough. So I'm going to have to research this weekend for high protein, low carb/fat sources (sadly, a lot of the high protein foods I know, even the healthy ones, are still higher on the carb and/or fat than I'd like). Either that, or end up eating fish at every meal.

I love fish. Just...not that much fish. :P

Also, long term note to self; no matter how much I lose, I'll probably be better off if I continue to track my food intake long after I've reached my goal, since that seems to have been one of the problems that got me back into this situation. Accountability seems to be a motivational necessity for me when it comes to food and maintaining weight. Don't do it, and I get lazy.

Annnnnd....

May. 6th, 2012 01:15 pm
silverthorne: A Kitten sleeping in a fruit bowl (Kitten Inna Bowl)
Already lost a pound on day two.

All I did was cut down portions and count calories (And I've even been over the alotted calorie count the past three days). Makes me hopeful for when I go full bore and actually, you know, follow the menu plan and start exercising.

(Still going to dread hitting that plateau, though. I hope it doesn't rear it's ugly head until I'm under 200...maybe even down to the spot where I was last time, which was 172. Guess we'll have to wait and see though).
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
It's been a few years since I actually paid attention to my weight, what I'm eating, etc.

It definitely shows; all the work I did is undone and worse than before. I could make all sorts of excuses, lay blame, claim things like depression (just like I could with a lot of things that have happened the past few years). One thing I can't do is blame it on my ex. She's been dead and gone for over a year now; the only influence she could possibly have on me is anything I want to dig up on my own at this point.

...That's one good realization, anyway. It's all on me this time; so that means it's all on me to fix it. No outside excuses.

Anyway, point I'm getting to is that my workmates and I are having a friendly weight loss competition starting Monday and ending the last month of August, which I'm going to use to try and springboard myself back into the lifestyle I'd taught myself and then put aside. Not going to make any grand promises or swear 'this time, it'll stick!'--because the proof is in the ticker below about how well I 'stuck' to that promise last time. This time, it's a one day at a time sort of thing.

Wish me luck?


My Sparkpeople Page


silverthorne: (Grenade)
Let's see.

First, sharing This. more for the 'look at the family and philanthropist stuff!' more than anything (this is why, after years of just going 'yeah, the band does good music', I've become a fan of the man himself).

Second...logged into RIFT a week or so ago to find out that they'd 1) more than halved their available servers (so I wound up logging into 'empty' test servers that I had to transfer my characters out of), and that they've allowed for only one active PvE/Rp server (and none for the PvP/RP players).

Which was both jarring and also caused me to start a new batch of characters on a strictly PvE server, because getting constantly DC'd and having to que to get into the game is not my idea of fun. Fortunately, I DID locate my guild, so the old characters still have a home, but that point might become moot if I continue to not want to log onto an overloaded server. The new server is still on the low end, and I actually kinda like it that way.

RP wise...I feel like I'm spinning my heels at this point, really. The game I'm in is mostly slice-of-life, which is fine, except I;m playing a character who 1) Needs something more than 'slice of life' to keep him from just pretty much going through the motions day in and day out (and therefor have nothing interesting to write about) and is 2) in a point from canon where, if he's going to feel attached to people, he needs something more out of them than 'oh hey, you're that guy that's great for being sane and a shoulder to cry on!'. He needs some shoulder himself. And stability. And...yeah.

Still love the game, love the players, but I'm just...feeling like I'm wasting time, if that makes sense. And I'll be honest; part of that feeling is coming from being on Plurk, trying to participate in memes and the like...and barely getting acknowledged. I'm not exactly the most social person in the world, and I have my own issues with thinking people actually don't want me around. Plurk? Does not help these feelings.

In real life: bah. No, seriously. I'm debt free now, but still (as ever,) struggling with just getting past the mind set of 'surviving' and getting into that 'living' thing. I feel like I wasted all my chances at something better than just tossing boxes and sharing a small place to live with the cats. I'm going between 'everything is okay (but not great)' and 'this is all life has for me, and it's not much' to 'god, you're fucking lame for whining about your life when you can barely keep it together enough to just do basic lifeskill things, and it's your own damned fault that it's like that'.

It just...never ends. And I'm really tired of it, and really tired of feeling like I'm whining over spilled milk. And then running in circles. Like...you know...now.

What I want (none of which I expect to get, either because I don't expect the universe to hand it to me, or because I understand that I undermine myself with thinking I can't get it done...):

Definitely to make more money than I do.
Be a fucking pro writer (hahahahah...yeah, right. Good luck with that one, kid)
Barring the wet dream above, get a job that I actually like and am not just doing because...those are the only skills I have to offer.
For god's sake, I would just. like. to. have. that. one. special. person. in. my. life. Haven't I already done enough time on the bullshit end of love?
A labotomization of all the crap in my head that hamstrings me at every turn. Words; they mean nothing. Action; like plowing through molasses in winter. I'd like my sense of self worth back, please. I haven't seen it since I was a kid.

Anyway, there's my 'holy shit, why am I still awake at this hour??' whine for the month.

Hugs would be appreciated, but not expected. Wisdom, too. Because the 'Imma gonna figure this one out on my own' button isn't working at the moment.
silverthorne: (Snowball to the face)
So, mine started with:

Migration to Dreamwidth
A new exercise and diet plan which I haven't really touched yet
Resolutions having to do with creative endeavors
...And a killer flu bug + migraine that made me call in sick today.

Whee?

Also, I think I have all the journals I'm going to make for a while (nicely stickied and put at the top of my post for ease of finding). Not many, but then, I tend to keep things pretty simple. Most of the non-gaming journals have nothing in them yet. But they're there as incentive for me. And hopefully, that will be enough.

Also, a brief rundown of Life Since September.

let's hope the cut works )
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
Farewell, shitty customer service.
Goodbye to finding my autopay mysteriously turned on in several of my (now deleted) paid journals, twice.
No more the interrupted service due to DDoS attacks that had nothing to do with me...

My new home is now Dreamwidth, although I will crosspost from this journal (Derek's, however, will stay strictly on DW from now on since it's an RP journal). I will check in now and then, since these are my only two LJs left (and they're perm, so autopay can't be turned on for them). Love you, guys. Feel free to stop by at my new home (same journal name, btw).

And as a parting gift to LJ and its staff:

New Home

Dec. 29th, 2011 06:36 am
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
For anyone who's been paying attention at all, LJ pulled another one of their 'we're going to change things, and not take into account the opinions of the user base' tricks, and in an added twist, proceed to be pretty damn self righteous and rude about the whole thing, both on LJ and other sites such as Tumblr and Plurk.

As anyone who knows me, knows, I'll put up with a lot, including change. Start to get rude about it though, and downright insulting in some cases, and you pretty much lose me.

LJ is a business. Right now, they're reaction to a 'niche' group, small or not (also the one most likely to spend a lot of money on the site to use it how they want to), is abyssmal, to be kind. To not be kind, I'll say that I'm not about to spend more money or time on a site who's primary reaction to complaints (some medical, BTW. Migraines, that sort of stuff) is pretty much 'you'll get used to it' and 'only (weirdo group) uses ABC functions and no one else does so stuff it'. I paid professionals for a specific site, and expect to be treated professionally, even if only by proxy, when I use that site. When I start to feel like I'm dealing with a bunch of spoiled brats with attitude problems who just want my money? I'm done.

I'm pretty much fed up with it all. Fed up enough, in fact, to not even waste my usual litany of cuss words on it all. (And when I stop cussing, that should be a sign, guys).

So, just a heads up that although I will be cross posting from Dreamwidth, other than possibly sticking around to play in my one game (which may very well be moving to DW anyway), I'm pretty much out of LJ. I'll check in on you guys who stay there, but don't expect me to be around much (Like I seem to be, anyway...)

*hugs*
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
Most of them are still being imported or are brand new


RP Journals:
[personal profile] rather_be_surfing Derek's main journal
[community profile] ratherbesurfing Secondary journal. I'm not sure if I'll turn this one into his main journal for RP or not. But at least it's back up.

[personal profile] the_mighty_foot Foot's journal
[personal profile] soulboundhunter Ari's RP journal


Fic Journals
[personal profile] icewind_orphan Ari's fic journal. I'd forgotten I'd made this one. Oops.

Community Journals
None yet--thinking of moving Blood and Bone over
silverthorne: A Kitten sleeping in a fruit bowl (Kitten Inna Bowl)
So LJ has finally jumped the proverbial shark as far as I'm concerned with their new remodel and total asshole of a developer/supposed 'leader' of the Russian branch.

So I'm...pretty much done with LJ...yes, even if they 'fix' it.

So...hi guys, here I am on DW. I'm, not even sure who has me friended any more, so if you want to give me a heads up, that would be cool.

And welcome to my new friends who went ahead and added me. Onward, 2011 exodus!
silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
In this case, and because I had already seen it on plurk, I'm going to pass it on to you--there are links in ONTD to follow where you can express your opinions on the matter if you so choose.

This, if you ever wondered, was what it was like living with my mom when she'd get angry with something I did. This isn't me, but it's pretty much a carbon copy of what I'd go through on a regular basis.

It's a hard video to watch. But it could have been any number of days or nights when I went though the same thing with my mom, and I'm pretty sure some of you could say the same.

The girl is now 22 (The video is from 2004, IIRC), and out of the situation. Unfortunately, the statute of limitations is up, so all we can hope for is that the guy loses his job (he's a judge that oversees, get this, child abuse cases).

Anyway, this is the sort of thing I feel should be passed on, remembered, and worked towards a time when this doesn't happen--that the parents get help before it ever comes to this. That no child has to go through it. And maybe, if there's enough voices, we can get this guy off the bench and maybe even pointed in a direction that, even if he can;t get himself healed, at least we can get him off the streets.
silverthorne: (Autumn Butterfly)
Or am I just on the fringe?

Snagged this by following a link in [livejournal.com profile] rebl1969's journal.

Looks like you need to go north, Tex. )

Profile

silverthorne: Painting of a cougar sneaking through underbrush (Default)
silverthorne

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