It's also disconcerting how detached I am about it, at the same time that I'm wallowing in it. What the hell is that, anyway?
It's called disassociation, and it's part of the trauma coping mechanism you learned over the years. It's a turtle shell over your mushy center, so you can hide (and hide from) how you're feeling. It's not an uncommon reaction to trauma -- hell it's Dominus' strategy of preference, though he's trying to get better about it.
And since I do worry about you, and I know you tend to just shoulder things and trudge onward rather than get help for them, I want to ask you to please look into therapy support for what you're going through. The longer you live with depression unrelieved, the deeper entrenched it becomes, and it isn't necessary -- it isn't necessary at all, in any way. As a friend pointed out to me, taking drugs to counter the chemical imbalance of depression is no more nor less than taking insulin to counter the chemical imbalance of diabetes. If you need the insulin, then telling your pancreas to suck it up and keep marching isn't going to actually help anything.
And seeing an actual therapist for dealing with the abuse and assaults you've suffered through is no less than you deserve, love. Now that I'm doing advocacy work, I'm meeting people who have 'coped' for decades, but who suddenly find themselves coming apart and in NEED of help when the cumulative weight is just too much.
You can call the local assault hotline anytime. Hell, I know someone who's IN the assault advocacy system out there, and I know for certain that services are available to victims who were assaulted a long time ago, but who still need help. And I also know that a lot of these services are free, or on a sliding scale. And I want you to get help with this. Depression is no kind of lifelong baseline, trust me. You deserve better, but as you know, it has to be you who decides to act on that.
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carisma_sensei
no subject
Date: 2010-07-18 05:55 pm (UTC)It's called disassociation, and it's part of the trauma coping mechanism you learned over the years. It's a turtle shell over your mushy center, so you can hide (and hide from) how you're feeling. It's not an uncommon reaction to trauma -- hell it's Dominus' strategy of preference, though he's trying to get better about it.
And since I do worry about you, and I know you tend to just shoulder things and trudge onward rather than get help for them, I want to ask you to please look into therapy support for what you're going through. The longer you live with depression unrelieved, the deeper entrenched it becomes, and it isn't necessary -- it isn't necessary at all, in any way. As a friend pointed out to me, taking drugs to counter the chemical imbalance of depression is no more nor less than taking insulin to counter the chemical imbalance of diabetes. If you need the insulin, then telling your pancreas to suck it up and keep marching isn't going to actually help anything.
And seeing an actual therapist for dealing with the abuse and assaults you've suffered through is no less than you deserve, love. Now that I'm doing advocacy work, I'm meeting people who have 'coped' for decades, but who suddenly find themselves coming apart and in NEED of help when the cumulative weight is just too much.
You can call the local assault hotline anytime. Hell, I know someone who's IN the assault advocacy system out there, and I know for certain that services are available to victims who were assaulted a long time ago, but who still need help. And I also know that a lot of these services are free, or on a sliding scale. And I want you to get help with this. Depression is no kind of lifelong baseline, trust me. You deserve better, but as you know, it has to be you who decides to act on that.