So, this thing known as New Years...
Dec. 31st, 2007 09:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silverthorneIt's here, and I wish everyone a great new year to come, and that whatever happened to you this year turns into some great things next year.
And yeah, here's where I insert a totally fannish thing that will never be seen by the intended recipient and wish one Mr. Sambora a much-fucking-better next year than the two shitty ones he's just had. Because, dude, you really need/deserve a good one that just plain rocks your socks off.
...And that goes for all the rest of you, too. Have a new year that rocks your socks off. :)
Anyhow...
Anyhow, for me, I had a hell of a year. It started out in basically the pit of hell, got worse from there, and not only hit bottom but busted through at about mach 10. I doubt there was even a splatter mark to indicate the spot I hit.
It was also culminating in three years of serious, serious soul searching on my part about where I was, who I was with, and what it would mean to stay or to go. I was lost, confused, scared shitless, and part of me really was figuring that hey, life really could not get any better and it just might be best for all involved if I did the equivilent of lay down and die.
Thing is, despite someone else's concentrated, decade long, efforts, I still had friends. Yeah, you guys were on the net, but you stuck around. I still had people, even when I wasn't even talking to my own family to avoid getting into fights at home.
I'm very grateful to all of you. I know I've said that before, but...all of you. I mean, if you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have had someplace to look to find some good, sane, sensible people who were willing to let me hold on to for dear life, or just to keep me distracted for a few hours, or even to be the 'Now, look here, you' voice to get me turned back around when I'd start to get lost again and convinced I had no better than I deserved in regards to my life.
I have a writing partner who stuck around even when I was little more than a whiny ball of...whine, and through a lot of RP, both of us learned about how things could be thanks to a pair of pups that didn't give up.
I have back my sister and bro, who, even though I'm pretty sure I did a lot of damage to them when I left, were still there with open arms when I finally wandered back into their lives.
I have a brand new friend who has this huge-ass heart that I hope doesn't get any more obnoxious knocks to it (and if it does, baby, call me. I'll come mess 'em up for ya.)
A couple a great peeps who are just sweet and cool and you better know who you are or not-mom is gonna gnaw an ankle or two. *eg*
And another new friend who understands my weird-ass silly fan side and who will day get a picture of that damned altar in all it's hairband, glittery-ass glory. *g*
And of course, everyone else who is still here. *HUGS*
Anyway...yeah. That's one of the lessons I learned right there--one, that you can't beat a good friend (and you'll know them when you see them because they'll still be around after the shit storm passes), and that sometimes, you need folks to get by.
and I did. Halfway through the year, I did what I never thought I'd do and I left. Got out of the house, the relationship, and the life that was killing me. It was ten years, and had a lot of valuable lessons that I needed. How to live, how not to live, how to treat people, what a parasite was really like, knowing that there are just some folks you cannot ever, ever help. Because really, they have to help themselves. You're just there as support. And sometimes, that just won't work...or it can't work, because that's not really what the person wants or needs.
And I finally understood what my dad meant about 'looking out for number one' and putting myself first. It isn't running rough-shod over other people, or using them, or thinking only of yourself, or shutting yourself away or any of those other things. It means standing on your own two feet and making sure you're in a good place.
Because you can't help other folks stand if you're floundering around yourself.
And if someone else is making you flounder? Get the fuck out.
So, there I went. And here I am. In some ways, this year has totally changed me. Left me a little beat up, a little sad, a lot different. I have sore spots and scars, but I also know I cna live with them. In some ways, I've turned back time, too. Form losing weight, to learning how to actually show my emotions again, and know it's all right. Old things I've missed are back in my life. I don't feel as old as the calander says I am, not by a long shot. Even more important, I don't feel far older than I am, like I had for five years. I'm not at death's door anymore (if you'll pardon the dramatic phrasing, there. :) ).
Hell, I can't even see it from here.
Thank you, guys. Really. I went from hell to heaven in the span of a year. And a lot of it had to do with the support I got from all of you. Thank you. And I hope that regardless of what happens in the year to come, each and every one of you get some sort of big blessing like this. Something that shakes you down and gets you up and is just plain damn well good for you.
Happy New Year, folks. See you on the other side.
And yeah, here's where I insert a totally fannish thing that will never be seen by the intended recipient and wish one Mr. Sambora a much-fucking-better next year than the two shitty ones he's just had. Because, dude, you really need/deserve a good one that just plain rocks your socks off.
...And that goes for all the rest of you, too. Have a new year that rocks your socks off. :)
Anyhow...
Anyhow, for me, I had a hell of a year. It started out in basically the pit of hell, got worse from there, and not only hit bottom but busted through at about mach 10. I doubt there was even a splatter mark to indicate the spot I hit.
It was also culminating in three years of serious, serious soul searching on my part about where I was, who I was with, and what it would mean to stay or to go. I was lost, confused, scared shitless, and part of me really was figuring that hey, life really could not get any better and it just might be best for all involved if I did the equivilent of lay down and die.
Thing is, despite someone else's concentrated, decade long, efforts, I still had friends. Yeah, you guys were on the net, but you stuck around. I still had people, even when I wasn't even talking to my own family to avoid getting into fights at home.
I'm very grateful to all of you. I know I've said that before, but...all of you. I mean, if you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have had someplace to look to find some good, sane, sensible people who were willing to let me hold on to for dear life, or just to keep me distracted for a few hours, or even to be the 'Now, look here, you' voice to get me turned back around when I'd start to get lost again and convinced I had no better than I deserved in regards to my life.
I have a writing partner who stuck around even when I was little more than a whiny ball of...whine, and through a lot of RP, both of us learned about how things could be thanks to a pair of pups that didn't give up.
I have back my sister and bro, who, even though I'm pretty sure I did a lot of damage to them when I left, were still there with open arms when I finally wandered back into their lives.
I have a brand new friend who has this huge-ass heart that I hope doesn't get any more obnoxious knocks to it (and if it does, baby, call me. I'll come mess 'em up for ya.)
A couple a great peeps who are just sweet and cool and you better know who you are or not-mom is gonna gnaw an ankle or two. *eg*
And another new friend who understands my weird-ass silly fan side and who will day get a picture of that damned altar in all it's hairband, glittery-ass glory. *g*
And of course, everyone else who is still here. *HUGS*
Anyway...yeah. That's one of the lessons I learned right there--one, that you can't beat a good friend (and you'll know them when you see them because they'll still be around after the shit storm passes), and that sometimes, you need folks to get by.
and I did. Halfway through the year, I did what I never thought I'd do and I left. Got out of the house, the relationship, and the life that was killing me. It was ten years, and had a lot of valuable lessons that I needed. How to live, how not to live, how to treat people, what a parasite was really like, knowing that there are just some folks you cannot ever, ever help. Because really, they have to help themselves. You're just there as support. And sometimes, that just won't work...or it can't work, because that's not really what the person wants or needs.
And I finally understood what my dad meant about 'looking out for number one' and putting myself first. It isn't running rough-shod over other people, or using them, or thinking only of yourself, or shutting yourself away or any of those other things. It means standing on your own two feet and making sure you're in a good place.
Because you can't help other folks stand if you're floundering around yourself.
And if someone else is making you flounder? Get the fuck out.
So, there I went. And here I am. In some ways, this year has totally changed me. Left me a little beat up, a little sad, a lot different. I have sore spots and scars, but I also know I cna live with them. In some ways, I've turned back time, too. Form losing weight, to learning how to actually show my emotions again, and know it's all right. Old things I've missed are back in my life. I don't feel as old as the calander says I am, not by a long shot. Even more important, I don't feel far older than I am, like I had for five years. I'm not at death's door anymore (if you'll pardon the dramatic phrasing, there. :) ).
Hell, I can't even see it from here.
Thank you, guys. Really. I went from hell to heaven in the span of a year. And a lot of it had to do with the support I got from all of you. Thank you. And I hope that regardless of what happens in the year to come, each and every one of you get some sort of big blessing like this. Something that shakes you down and gets you up and is just plain damn well good for you.
Happy New Year, folks. See you on the other side.
