Looking back

[silverthorne]

So I spent a good portion of my computer time yesterday messing with my real life LJ for a new look (Let me know if it's too hard to read, guys. I'm not 100% happy with it, so am willing to change out the background for a lighter and/or more eye friendly image for the LJ background), and decided to go ahead and tag the daylights out of things.

Some of the entries were just...well...wow.

It's really hard to to believe just how incredibly depressed I was, no later than even a year ago. Depressed and really, really mentally wacko.

I still have some of those problems--still dealing with certain issues, still aiming for certain goals that I haven't quite yet achieved (but am getting so much closer to!), but the mental space I'm in is different nowadays. I won't say 'completely'--because sometimes I still 'go there', and I can certainly still relate to that very unhappy, ready to throw in the towel, woman.

But it is rather shocking to look back and go 'Oh my god, was that me?!' and then answer 'Yes--yes that was.'

I'm still kinda surpised that I'm not in the same place as I used to be. When you hit bottom and stay there long enough, you get pretty sure there's no way to scramble back up.

But I'm managing it, and it's pretty mind blowing.

Wow.

Go me, I guess. *g*