Silverthorne

Which I have! (originally, I wanted a fried egg sandwich, then bacon and eggs (but there's no bacon in the house), and that evolved into Steak and Eggs.

...I still find it funny (and a little sad, I admit), that two years later, I'm still amazed by the idea that not only do I have real food in the house, but that I'll be eble to eat it without getting lectured or yelled at for eating it (or cooking it, for that matter).

Anyway, gonna go cook my breakfast before the old tape kicks in and I don't actually make it because 'I shouldn't'.

...sometimes it takes a while to heal, you know?

One thing that I'm starting to be aware of more and more is how well the ex had me trained.

One of our constant fights had to do with food. If I ate something that had been sitting in the fridge, she'd invariably want to have it after it was gone, and I'd get yelled at for not sharing and being a glutton (even if I'd asked ahead of time if she were interested in it). I don't touch it, and it goes bad, that was my fault too for wasting food, because, hey, she 'doesn't eat that much'.

Usually, this was the healthy stuff I'd get in trouble for. The remains of a good restaurant dinner. A healthy salad. A nice casserole. Occasionally the pizza we'd order in. Rarely did we fight over the potatoes, rice, bread, ramen or cheese. Those could come and go and no fighting. You can guess what my diet consisted of. Treats and desserts were another bone of contention, but only if she liked them. Otherwise, she never noticed. It's no wonder I ballooned to 226 pounds.

I'm discovering an annoying hold over from those days, and it's a conversation I've become aware of the past month.

I have to fight with myself to convince myself that if I'm hungry? It really is okay to go get a bowlful of asparagus or other veggies or fruits or whatever and eat them. I just spent an hour in fact telling myself that if I wanted a can of asparagus for dinner, that it was all right; I could do that.

...At least I finally got it though.

Something to work on though, definitely.