Oh yeah, hi Depression....

[silverthorne]

Where you just get suddenly hit with something, and it makes you want to stop and cry right there, no matter how silly the reaction is, or how minor, or ridiculous, in the big cycle of life, it is?

Yeah. Got hit with that. That frightening realization that hey, I have no one romantically speaking. And no sibs. So...when I'm really old...it'll just be me.

Cue feeling hollow and like a fuck up and, of course, the 'you're gonna die alone and probably in a home with no money and tons of bills and really it's your fault for being stupid about romance' freak out (valid since, you know, I have senile relatives and a grandma with Alzhiemers).

Fortunately, it mostly passed within a few minutes. Mostly. Still a little bit of gibbering along the lines of 'only friends and family are ever gonna love you' banging around in the back of my head.

I hate it when my brain does that to me.

Comments

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

Which is what I continue to remind myself. :)

...it doesn't help with things like 'You're almost 40 and have no children yet' or 'you won't have 20, 30, 40, 50 years of memories with someone who's known you since you were young like most of your married friends do', though.

But yes, I know that I can still have children until I quit menstrating (although at much higher risks to both the child and me), and the time spent with someone is not as important as the quality spent, but still...it'll eat at you, regardless.

No worries; I'll be all right in a day or two. *hugs back*