Oh yeah, hi Depression....
Jan. 8th, 2008 11:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Where you just get suddenly hit with something, and it makes you want to stop and cry right there, no matter how silly the reaction is, or how minor, or ridiculous, in the big cycle of life, it is?
Yeah. Got hit with that. That frightening realization that hey, I have no one romantically speaking. And no sibs. So...when I'm really old...it'll just be me.
Cue feeling hollow and like a fuck up and, of course, the 'you're gonna die alone and probably in a home with no money and tons of bills and really it's your fault for being stupid about romance' freak out (valid since, you know, I have senile relatives and a grandma with Alzhiemers).
Fortunately, it mostly passed within a few minutes. Mostly. Still a little bit of gibbering along the lines of 'only friends and family are ever gonna love you' banging around in the back of my head.
I hate it when my brain does that to me.
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Date: 2008-01-08 07:35 pm (UTC)I have no one romantically speaking, and the chances of it happening becoming smaller every day.
I've accepted the fact that I will never sire children, to the point that I've considered a vasectomy just to make it sure.
And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die in a home. I'm going to die in bed, and no one will notice until the cleaning lady comes a week later and I'm already rotting away.
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Date: 2008-01-08 08:14 pm (UTC)Yeah, pretty much. Although, from what I understand, it's as much about the effort you put out as it is about 'meeting that right person' (IE: Waiting for the love of you life to come to you). Live like a hermit, that's how you'll be. That's part of my problem right now--the other part is that after the string of bad choices I've made, I'm not sure I can make a good one--even though I know what that is now. Or think I do.
Children are possible for as long as you're able to produce sperm. Men can do that into their 70's at least, and have. Som if you find a good person, you still have that chance. Whether you want them or not is another matter. I did, I do, my time is way limited at this point, so I'm pretty confident that even if I find that 'someone', my insides will have been scooped out long before children are discussed. Of course, there's adoption, too, so...
...You know, I suspect that unless you drive the lot of us off, someone is going to notice your absence a lot sooner than a week gone, or even over four days. People like you around here, in case you haven't noticed. ;) My problem is that chances are, I'll outlive most of my family, and possibly my friends. The women make up for the rotten guts by living an insanely long time, you see (as in 95 years plus).
Either way, in both our cases, we need to start looking at the/a/any good side, I think.
*hugs*