A bittersweet feeling

[silverthorne]

To enjoy a love song, and then realize that neither it, nor any love song, will ever apply to you.

It would take too much changing of me to make it a possibility.

But at least I've felt it a few times. :)

Comments

[skywardprodigal.livejournal.com]

Hey you.

In my travels, I've lived with someone I feared that they'd never love again was true.

So wrong.

It took a while, but they're healed and love songs applies.

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

Maybe so.

At the moment though, it would take a fairy tale style kind of faith and strength for me to believe...and I've learned to distrust that, since it's what got me into trouble in the past.

That, and I'm not really up for all that comes along with the love songs. I really am content for the most part, and the realization is kinda like that phantom pain some folks who have lost limbs feel, you know? Not really there, but you'll think it is for a moment anyway.

[nnylrac.livejournal.com]

You never know what life will bring you. You're not old (yet) or too far past your prime to have a chance at love in the future. For now, you have made it very clear that being alone is what is right for you. It may stay that way, or this may be a healing process to make you ready for what lies ahead. I guess what I'm saying is, have faith in the Journey.

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

I know. Just basing how I feel on what I know of myself, is all.

And right now, being 'alone' is far more likely (although with the girls, I'm far from alone...although conversational skill needs a little work. ;) )

[mephron]

Yeah, I've pretty much given up on it, too.

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I'm not sure that 'given up' is the right term in my case.

It's more like the realization that between my likes, my nature, my preference for how I like to live my life, and that certain conditions would have to be met (and are not likely to be met at this point in life, even though some people woudl argue I'm 'young' yet), it's not a likely prospect...and I'm not in any rush to change any of it just to get in line with what would give me much better chances at it.

In short, it's not that I've given up, it's that I don't feel the urge to look and change my life around to the point where it would be far more likely to happen.

And while it's sad in that vague 'it would have been nice to have that fairy tale romance/wedding' way, it's not a disheartening thought, if that makes any sense. It's more of an 'oh well...let's go play WoW and snuggle kittes!' thing.

Awesome icon, BTW.

[mephron]

Indigo drew it for me.

I'm just not sure that I have it within me anymore to open up, after the number of times I've been kicked when I tried. I'm also at the age where most of the women I know are either married or married to their careers.

I'm feeling very old lately. Old, tired, cold.

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

She does good on those. :)

I understand. Get kicked enough times, and that is what you'll expect. I won't say I was never there, because I was, and more than once. And I can't say that you'll ever not feel that way, because I'm not you. But if it's any comfort and worth any hope, if you're looking for it, I got past that, and so have others. And it's possible you may as well, for the 'right' person, somewhere down the line.

/hallmark moment...

*hugs*

[silverthorne.livejournal.com]

Maybe we'll both be the ones who outlive wonderful people married to other wonderful people, and we'll end our lives happily with the surviving wonderful people... :)